I've actually posted on this before, ranted a bit about friends in the past who have been not so great as friends. But as I was talking tonight with a friend at a church activity, it dawned on me that I still feel so insecure when it comes to my friendships. Maybe it's because I have a skewed sense of what a friend should be? I'm not entirely sure. As an adult, I've had plenty of friendships... there are people I seem to click with... oh sure, I'm not perfect and neither is anyone else... but there have been lots of people I get along with and have a good time with. But I invite people over to hang out and let the kids play, and they don't end up coming. Maybe I'm inviting the wrong people over? Maybe because my kids are a little older and I have a little more time to play, and I am inviting moms who are still just surviving with little ones and they aren't in a position yet? I mean, I'm likable... at least I think I am.
I have this insecurity, I've been told too many times by people that they are so glad they got to know me because I'm so nice and fun and funny, and before they got to know me they thought I was a snob. I used to think that it didn't bother me... but I've been feeling a little down and lonely and now those past situations have decided to creep in and they have been heightened a bit and I'm starting to wonder why anyone would think that about me. I think I'm fairly good looking, I would even go so far as to say I'm pretty. Is it because I'm pretty that people think I'm stuck up? I'm probably WAY over-analyzing this... I guess I just feel like everyone I know has a few friends that they can call up and talk to, go hang out with, meet at McDonalds, go to the park and have a picnic with, have come over, and I don't. Maybe it's because we have moved a lot in the last few years... honestly, that's probably it.
When we lived in our Condo for seven years I had friends like that. When we bought our first house I had a rare friend that I clicked instantly with, that had a relationship like that, but that was five years ago, since then we have moved four times. I'm starting to work out my feeling about this as I type (which is obviously the reason I blog because it really does help me work things out) And I'm thinking that a combination of bad weather, just moving,
1 comment:
Actually, I already knew that you'd be a great friend before you even wrote this post, but now I know that we will be great friends. I need friends that are real and raw and can be honest and loyal, and I admire you very much for putting yourself out there. No shame in that.
e all have insecurities and wonder what people are thinking about us. That's human. And I think it's OK to feel insecure at times. I also have these feelings and go through periods where I feel alone and isolated. I think having good girlfriends is essential for my survival (and I also think Ben having guy time is crucial also).
You're wonderful! I don't know if people feel that are snotty or that people judge you, those people wouldn't be the right friend anyway. In my life I try so hard to focus on the positive and balance all the areas of my life, including friendships.
Remember, I think you're wonderful!!
Post a Comment